Kore's Journal

Arc X, Chapter X

I spent three weeks waiting for news, wondering what had happened, and now I do not really know how to react to it. Being told the crazy scene was not me helped, though I was pretty sure of that, already, given Madeline's interventions and brief moments of duality therein.

But, Violet. God, I cannot even begin to understand that. It is not that I do not know she is dead, I do. But, it isn't real. I never saw it, never saw her, I just heard about it. I was shocked, but I look at the others and I see it haunt them. I see the constant sorrow and pressure on them. And, I feel bad, because I do not feel it. Like I am betraying them by not feeling broken. But, I had time. Even Promachus is more likely to feel with them, as he just woke up, but I had 3 weeks to deal with everything I could and the rest is not real.

And then there is Marbus. Oh, I don't know what to do, think, feel about him and this and everything. I was starting to notice him before, he can be awfully sweet sometimes. I think Liz was right, and he just cares too much. And, now he cannot forgive himself for letting Violet die. I tried to tell him it was not his fault, that he did his best with the information he had at that moment but that is hard to accept. And, I am afraid that I cannot hide my interest in him and that he will think I was just saying that to make him feel better or grateful or something.

So, how do I feel? Do I grieve that we lost Violet? Yes, I do. When I think of it. But, I do not often think of it. Frankly, I only knew her for just a few weeks and the rest I have known years. The others, especially Marbus, will feel her lack in the Cabal but I never lived with her, never loved her, and I had not had the time to truly know her.

I do not think we ever had a single one-on-one conversation where we truly discussed something internal that matters. We discussed politics, the events of NYC, magic and other things, but nothing that really matters. She was someone who I could respect, but not really a friend. There was no time for that. She was at a step removed from me and I was not really there when she died. The group changed that day, I can tell. Perhaps had I been aware, I might have changed, too, but I was not.

And, she is not a ghost. Funny, but that means more to me today than it did 3 weeks ago. Because of Maggie. Helping her, and watching her cross over left me in tears and I believe with all my heart that something good waits on the other side. Knowing that Violet is there, that she is certainly well and happy makes it hard to feel like death is that bad. Even the way she died, I know she is fine now. Maybe I will not be so complacent if someone I truly love dies, but it is how I feel today.

And I do not think that the others can truly understand that. I cannot explain it, and they are not Moros. Now that is funny. In English, Moros is the root of morose, to be sorrowful and sad, yet I have found it otherwise. I do grieve for Martin, because he does not get to move on, he is trapped in an afterlife that will never end until he crosses over or is destroyed. I hurt for him as I would hurt for any suffering human being, and more, because his cannot end, and theirs will. But, to release him and let him move on, I will not grieve for him, other than to wish his pain had been shorter. But, I am sure that what is on the other side is enough, that all will be well there.

But, I would mourn Madeline, if she crossed over. Or, rather, I would mourn losing her, but know she was fine. It is a selfish sorrow, but very human. I know what is there would be goo, but she does not want to leave, and I do not wish her to go. There seem to be 3 kinds of ghosts, at least so far.

Ghosts that wander, but are not in suffering and pain and are content with their lot.

Ghosts that are trapped in a private hell they cannot escape.

Ghosts that prey on others and help to create those hells.

The first can do as they choose, I will not force anything on them. The second should be set free to cross over if at all possible. And the third should be put down, locked away and make the Twilight safe(r) for decent ghosts.

I hope I can learn to do these things. I hope I do not anger my Cabal. I hope Marbus does not hate me. I hope all will be well.

Arc X, Chapter X

I am not sure if I can honestly say I was never so angry in my life, but I am equally unsure if I was ever angrier.

I was contacted via Diamona to accompany the Arrows to Wakefield and help deal with the ghosts there. I agreed, in part for Martin and his killer, and partly to protect the ghosts, if need be. From a conversation I had, I am sure that fear was needless.

I met Martin very soon, and he gave me a name: Killer Krogan. I found an empty room that was nicely insulated, and called him up. I got some strange looks from my companion when I pulled out my 3 pomegranate seeds from the bad Marbas gave me, but those was quickly set aside in favor of shock when Krogan appeared. He burst through the wall and blood covered it.

He headed towards me but I stopped him and opened the jar. The glare he gave me was frankly priceless, but he is in a jar that rests in the Athenaeum and there he shall remain. Others ghosts in the asylum came, and cheered when he was put away. It felt to good, I could see the hope in their eyes and it set off my nimbus. That really impressed them. I was able to find and subdue another 2 violent ghosts, when another two lads with markings that match Martins asked me to go downstairs. When I remarked that we were on the ground floor, they said there was a path down, that their bodies were there. I agreed, and we followed. But, I found a wall, not a door.

It was a real wall, and Lucas made it transparent with matter. There was clearly a passage on the other side and it had been covered over. I was able to see a staircase in the Twilight, though it was gone on this plane. We agree to have 2 of us go down, and Lucas should guard the Gate, that nothing might escape. I opened a gate to the Twilight and we passed over.

We followed until we could hear muttering. I told the boys to go upstairs, that Lucas would protect them and they were gone before I finished the first half of my words. In the room, I saw - God - I saw a group of angry ghosts, chained by their collars to their graves. The graves were visible in the Twilight, but had been covered over with cement in this world. The ghosts could not really interact with me. They had been mad in life, and death had not improved that. However, they could not get far enough from their anchors to harm us.

I looked about, advised my companion that they were no threat, they could not leave, and then asked if we could return in the corporeal world another time. I was advised to pick up something from the room, and went over to the folders. I could not believe that this room was innocent, the stairs, the blocked door, the graves, none of it belonged here. So, I pulled a file, and glanced at it.

Killer Krogan.

I started to read it, but was convinced now was not the time. We left, and I closed the Gate. Later, I read through the folder. Krogan was an infamous serial killer in the 50s. He had also killed again and again while in the asylum. His psychologist had advised the staff he was improving, he was not, and he got 'access,' though I do not know with what. I know the shrink's name was removed from the files and he helped with the cover up. They buried his victims down here, covered it over, left the files, and sealed it up.

No wonder these ghosts are trapped. They were brought to this place to be protected and assisted, were instead killed by an inmate and their deaths covered up.

I have started research into this place and it's history. Floor plans, articles, all these files will be gone through. I will find out who did this, why, how, and I will make it known. I hope that perhaps this will allow some of the ghosts to cross over, though I cannot ever be sure.

I wanted to weep for them, to cry, to pound Krogan to a pulp, but the man I am most angry with is the shrink and he better hope he is neither dead nor ghost or I will find him. Pride. Hubris. He wanted to make a name for himself, fixing the maniac, and people died. They died, and now they live in hell. Krogan has been tormenting them, Martin, and all the others since the late 50s, and death did not stop him. 40+ years of it.

I will be making a special box for mad ghosts. Theophrastis knows about them, and I may be able to send my ghosts to them, but I will make one to keep, one I need not maintain. It will be hard, and draining, but I need to do this. I used 3 jars in just one place. I cannot keep making jars, I need to do this more efficiently.

On a happier note, Theophrastis is going to hire Louise and her husband! He almost cried when I said I knew a set of sleepwalking cooks and gardeners. He owes me. I don't know what, but he feel he owes me. For myself, I am just glad to get them a good place. NYC is not a great place nowadays, but most likely they are safer around magi than not. Generally. I hope so. Miss Edith seems quite happy, and I am so delighted to have her there to help me manage mother.

I am sure the Cabal will be pleased when I tell them about his all. I hope they will be willing to assist me with this. I am not sure, I am getting some strange vibes off Diamona.

Also, Marbas gave me an enchanted bag so I can keep my staff in it. He really is so sweet. I didn't really consider that you could do that. Magic is a wondrous this.

Arc X, Chapter X

I never knew. How could I know? I was younger than she, and naive and sheltered, but to find that your closest friend was so hurt, and now hurting others - how can I blame her for lashing out, based on that experience?

So, she has been influencing mother to leave me be. Discouraging me from dating, and perhaps distracting her with art. She has been tormenting her father for not protecting her. And, then, when she saw Jake had an interest in me, she sought to terrify him away from me. I hope he is ok. How do you explain to a sleeper that a young, vengeful ghost hurt you, but don't worry, it won't happen again because I put her in a jar and am going to try to help her cross over.

I just do not know what to do. I need to resolve the abuse issue. That man, he is going to pay for what he did. I will haunt him until he confesses or plant evidence until he is found out. I will play blocked memories and sudden recollection of Stacy and her troubles if I must. Maybe Madeline can help with this one. Maybe we could fake up a radio broadcast about a girl in X neighborhood being discovered to have been abused, that police will be conducting interviews, that the body will be exhumed and they have a prime suspect whose name has not been released. Sneak up on him while he is in the shower and write STACY on the mirror, so that when he comes out, it will be evident on the mirror from the steam. I can do that from Twilight without being discovered.

I will talk to Donavon about this. He used to be a lawyer, and can give me some info on how best to proceed. I hope this resolves her issues, I hope she can have peace. I have noticed that the closer you get to a ghost's unfinished business, the more irrational and focused they become. I could barely get a word out of her and I think that was mostly due to the spell. She had to answer, if she could. But, the deeper we got, the more incoherent she became.

I wonder if Stacy can still write. If I grabbed a journal for her, had her write in it, age it, and then plant it... it would be her writing. And, if we freak HIM out enough, he will confess to anything. My worry is him running. Have to devise a way to keep him pinned down. Maybe do this as one action. Plant the journal, get the police involved, transmit the broadcast and write on the mirror at the same time. Have the cops arrive just as he is understanding what is going on... he may slip up, act suspicious, something. If I have to become involved, I will lie my head off about things Stacy said or things I saw and repressed in my memory. He will go to prison and get a nice cellmate named Bubba.

Then, perhaps, Stacy can rest. Her father will be safe, mother will be free and Jake left alone. I hope so. I do not know if I can do this all on my own, or if I will need the Cabal to help. Also, I owe Theophrastis a huge favor. Funny, I hear about the Great Rights and so on the same night that they are invoked. But, I had no one else to turn to, and am willing to give reciprocity to him.

I just hope that mother decides it was simply a nightmare. I hope the neighbors don't talk to her about it, I hope the secret remains. I hope so much. May it be so.

Arc X, Chapter X

It was certainly one of the strangest nights I have ever had. I suppose Wakefield should rank up with it, but my recollections of that night are indirect and in some ways old hat. I cannot believe I just said that, but what else can I say?

First of all, Promachus and Jake are safe. The Mob has called off the hit. Jake can have a life and live without fear. I am glad for him. I know being stuck inside disturbs him. It was also a night of revelations. Our city plays hosts to a 'once adored,' namely Aidon Clymenus, the lord of the underworld - he whom he Greeks once called Hades.

Ever so often, I feel that I should not have been allowed to leave the Sanctuary without more knowledge than I have. Maybe our Awakening and training was different, but I wish someone would write a book like you can find for colleges. Everything You Ever Needed to Know About Supernatural Societies, but Didn't Know to Ask.

It should include Vampires, information on their ways and recommendations on how to treat with them, the same for Werewolves, the existence of 'Once Adored,' and more that I have not yet been exposed to.

Well, the evening started with a fight. Storm was appalled, Marbus playing virtue, and we got no where. I hate these fights, but we cannot seem to avoid them. I think we are too young for such powers. We should be arguing about Star Wars whether the Play Station is better than the X Box.

I found myself drinking. Drinking like mother. The stress led me to the bar. I don't want to drown my feelings in liquor, but I don't know how to deal with them. Father was never there and mother drank. I cannot start doing Tai Chi in the middle of the argument, and that is all I can think of that calms and focuses me.

I ran outside, and was followed by Storm and Diamona. As we were talking, the Mob boss who had had the hit out on Promachus walked in, told us the hit was off, and gave us an invitation to meet his boss. Death. The letter was beautiful, gold and cream with all the right words and it was like holding death in my hand. We called our supervisors and mentors, and headed out right away to deal with whatever this was.

His offices were beneath a goth club. Vampires, ghosts, spirits, and even, it seems, a Werewolf inhabited the interior. We were guided in by a Vampire called Gio. For all that he was disturbing to look at, the club was worse, and I was glad when we left the main floor. Until, that is, he stopped in the hallway and started giving us advice on how to proceed. Everyone looked at us with fear, though it was not fear of us, or, really, for us. Fear of who we were to meet. Promachus cast an Augury and determined that continuing had a decent chance of leaving alive, so we continued.

It was hard for me. The stairs were too much like the subway stairs that took me to Wakefield. I was upset enough that I stopped and disguised my aura. A polite fiction, perhaps, but one I would prefer to be observed. We reached a cranky man who yelled at us for interrupting him, until we, not bribed him, though we thought that was what we were doing at the time, but gave him the fee for entry. We overpaid and his manner change was almost funny to see.

Within, we met our host. He had a dog, a huge fireplace, and was most courteous. We were offered, and accepted, some chocolate, and also some wine. Pomegranate wine. By this point, I should have know. The clues were there, but I didn't think such existed, had not heard of them, and even if I had put it together, I would have simply assumed he was deliberately setting the scene, not that it had an inherent meaning.

He was not a Vampire. As the conversation progressed, we discovered he was Hades, Lord of the Underworld. Today, he is not who he was, but he was such long ago. And, we drank his pomegranate wine. I should have known. I call myself Kore, for the love of peace, and I should have understood! He even complimented me on my lovely name.

Too late. He made it clear he wanted to treat with us. He made it clear we were stuck with each other, no matter what, and also that, though it could be an unpleasant relationship, it need not me. I said I would be willing to use my skills for him, as did all but Marbus, with the case by case caveat, and requested that the little girl, daughter of the Mob boss, be released. Storm seconded this, once he knew who she was, and he promised it would be so.

He knows what caused the Feast of Wisdom, and will not speak of it. Terrifying, to think of what would frighten him. It reminds me of Gandalf in Lord of the Rings, unwilling to speak the language of Mordor, or of any such evil in the dark of night. There is a lesson there, and I will take it. The 'He who must not be named' in Harry Potter seems less silly in light of that.

I asked him a question, and have my answer, though my answer leads only to more question. Ghosts do not change. And if anyone would know, it is him. Therefore, the one I know as Madeline cannot be the shade of my sister. I know that much. But who is it, and what? I think it must be a ghost, as I can barely see spirits and she is plain in death sight. But, that means that a ghosts pretending to be her has been with me my whole life and why would she do that?

Were I Awakened then, I might understand it. But, I do not recall a time when a being who looked like me was not with me. She loves the violin, and seemed to stay as a result. Has a connection with it, as she was endangered by a creature 'eating' the violin before my Awakening.

But who is she? Why did she choose that I should see her? Why the deception? I have many questions, and I will have to talk with her about it. I dread this. More than Stacy and dealing with her, I dread this.

Well, I didn't have much time to muse on this. We returned to the club, and the others decided to mingle. Promachus seemed to find a friend, and I decided to see who it was. A Werewolf. A rude and licentious Werewolf. I am not sure what he wanted, no, untrue. If I take his words and erection at face value, I know exactly what he wanted. But, he was so forward and I felt so confused and repelled and also flattered and I do not know what I think other than I am glad that Stacy did not see it because she would have tried to hurt him, and he would have hurt her. He is part spirit, it seems, and I am sure would be able to do damage to her.

Anyway, I begged to go home, and we did. I was so exhausted. So much happened. So much still to come. I have decided to study Time. Promachus bespelled an item for me that has greatly accelerated my research and I wish to be able to do it myself. He is a step ahead of me in time, so it should not take too long to learn this myself.

Midsummer is coming. I hope we are all ready and that there is nothing to be ready for.

Arc X, Chapter X

Someday, I shall know that the world is full of unexpected revelations and I shall deal with them calmly and serenley. Sadly, that day was not today.

Let's see, revelation #1. The Dogs are going after sleepwalkers, for certain. Even those unaffiliated with any mages are being attacked. There has been at least one death. He was a college student with an imbued item. We had thought, had hoped, that the temporal manifestations were the mark of a new Awakening, but it was not. Mona and Promachus found him death, still clutching the Amulet that drew the beast to him.

Score one for the Mysterium philosophy.

Then, while in Harlem trying to uncover the source of the Dog, I met a possessed woman. I tried to help her, to set her free, but the demon was stronger than her will and I was unable to take direct action to aid her. I was, however, able to avoid confrontation, and that is a victory of sorts for me.

Jake has decided it is worth the terror and danger to be around Mages. I saw him grow stronger, saw the glory of new hope, and I felt glorious. I tried to tell him about it, but I am afraid I gave him the wrong impression. What I meant was that his hope gives me hope. I wish that all humanity could feel that. I am more apt to try to give another person hope, to help them, just to experience the euphoria that it brings me.

Later that night, the Cabal returned, we tried yet again to get some info on the Dog. I got smart and asked a ghost and she was able to direct us to those who knew more. Unfortunately, we found nothing about the Dog that night. We were found, however, by the passion shade. Marbus went poking around in her brain, thinking that the spirit knew something that might help, and what he got was a horrible confirmation of a fear.

The Dark One's son was the cause of the Feast of Wisdom, and he will be back. The passion shades are his servants. Marbus didn't want to speak the words, and no wondering at that, and he wrote them down, instead. They did not come out in English, though, nor Atlantean. Instead, they are another language which shares characteristics with Atlantean but is not the same.

I showed it to Theophrastis, told him what I knew, inferred, and conjectured, and he told me he had to leave town. He was quick to tell me that it was not because of fear, but because he had seen writing like this before. In North Africa, and he was going to have to go there.

He then told me he wanted to call in my favor. I agreed, wondering what it was, and then I was let in a a secret. He has Altzheimers, and though he is healed of it every few years, he loses memories and knowledge every time. So, he has created a storage device for him memories. They are spheres that appear to hold quicksilver, and can be accessed as one would access the human mind. He requested that I protect, preserve, and utilize them if anything happened to him.

I agreed, of course, but I don't really feel like that is a fair exchange. I would do so, regardless. Especially if he dies, as I feel responsible for the dead. However, he insisted and I agreed. So, I am out of debt, it seems. Or, will be if anything happens to him, or when, or whatever.

I feel like we are running out of time. How do we counter this threat? All we have is knowledge, and limited amounts of that. Unlike the year before, we know that there is a threat, what it has done, who caused it, and that it will be returning. They say that forewarned is forearmed, and that may be so. They also say that knowledge is power, and I believe that, too. I just hope that those are enough to deal with this. I don't know that we can defeat this evil on it's terms. I think we will have to go out and find it, dig it out before it launches it's assault anew.

I think we are going to have to look in the sewers. I do not want to, but it is an ancient belief that evil hides in the darkness, and therefore it seems a good place to start. And, we cannot continue to react to him. If we do, we are doomed. We need to initiate action, whatever it is. If he chooses the battle ground and the rules of engagement, we will be in trouble.

I just do not know where to begin.

Arc X, Chapter X

Storm called the other day. He wanted to know what was up with Jake and me. I told him all about it. I told him that I like Jake, but I also feel much older than him and I also am afraid that I am endangering him by associating with him. But, he is sweet and he really likes me and I cannot be unaffected by that.

So, I also told Storm that I was also interested in Marbus. That certainly surprised him. Nice to know that not everyone knows about it. Of course, Marbus knows, so that is cold comfort. He knows, but he has never said a word about it. So, I know he is not interested in me. And, that kinda hurts, and I don't want him if he won't want me.

But, I wish he did. But, if he did, what about Jake? But, I don't even know how I feel about Jake. I like him, but can I love him?

Then, I also told Storm how that werewolf made me feel. I want that, too! I mean, he was crude, and aggressive, and I was embarrassed and confused but there was a thrill, a zing; exciting and wild. I would like that, too.

Bu, Jake would never be like that. And, I don't think I would like it if Marbus did. So, it seems, what I want is a mage who is sweet and wild. This is crazy. And, Storm didn't really understand at first. But, I want someone to hold me and make me feel safe, but I want something wild and strong, too. Like the Eye of a Hurricane, except not destructive to others or me.

I don't know! I want excitement. I want kindness. I want equality and passion, and valentines and poetry and all that. It should be possible! It is a big world, with so much variety. But, even Awakened, can I get this? I want the understanding and parity of Marbus, the kindness and affection of Jake, and the wild passion of that Wolf.

Why hasn't Jake tried to kiss me? He seems embarrassed most of the time. I guess he is as new as me at this dating thing. But, it would be nice if he would try. Kisses can tell a lot, at least that is what the songs say. He knows I know, and have allowed him to court me. So, I wish he would! Get me flowers, take me somewhere romantic, try to kiss me.

But, I am not telling him that! I shouldn't have to. And, I don't want to look desperate. But, I think I would know if I wanted him to court me if he courted me. I knew right quick that I didn't want that blue-blooded fop mother liked immediately. The Wolf was forward. And, it was kinda nice, even though it was freaky!

If I had my druthers, I wouldn't want all this. I would have friends and companions, without ever feeling all the confusion of love and romance. It takes up so much time. It distracts me from work and education. And, it is all I can think about, sometimes.

It is madness! I am sitting atop a time bomb, trying to diffuse it, and if I am not actively playing with the wires, I am dreaming of romance! That is crazy! I am crazy!

No, I am NOT crazy. I was never crazy. I am just a teenager, high on hormones, with too much power and responsibility. That is all.